"It's not about getting someone to fall in love with you, but, being the person to catch them once they fall."
-NanaNear
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Hundreds of thoughts move through my head, questioning and doubting every move I have ever made. Questioning my own happiness, I lay out before me, every option I have and would ever have. I think back to every insult and every lecture that was given to me by my paternal family. I think back to every insult, lecture and ‘everything will be alright’ speech my maternal family gave me.
I question myself again, and I question whether or not I will ever be good enough to accomplish anything. The only thing I ever put 100% into is my writing, and lately I have had no time for it. My outlet is unreachable. I feel trapped, like nothing is coming together. Like my universe is slowly collapsing on me, suffocating me.
I feel like a failure, unable to amount to anything, unable to see past my own failure long enough to make something of myself.
I feel like I’ve let everyone down, everyone who’s ever counted on me for anything.
I feel like a body, taking up space and oxygen that other people could be using to be productive.
I feel like nothing, nothing but numbness that will never go away.
I want to break free.
But I do not feel strong enough to stand my ground.
This week has been the BEST week of my entire LIFE! So many good, AMAZING things have happened! I am beyond happy with my life right now
Most depressing moment: Shephard murdering Ghost and Gary aka Roach in cold blood and burning the bodies.
Most epic moment: McTavish aka Soap killing that S.O.B Shephard with the sickest interactive knife toss in the history of interactive video game cutscenes!
Is this a Geek moment? Hell fucking yeah it is.
E and R
E after the Mexicali earthquake
The wind is cool and fresh on the skin, tempered and heated from the burning sun.
It’s a refreshing change, and distracts from the stress of the day.
The moonlight shines down upon the entire landscape, bringing a small amount of light to the otherwise dark neighborhood.
The night silence is comforting, and brings back old memories.
A soft smile, and I stand carefully on the small roof outside of my window.
As the moonlight shines down upon me, energy seems to fill my veins.
I laugh at the thought, at the memories, and walk along the rooftop.
The wood presses against my bare feet, but not painfully so, somewhat comforting.
Crazy hair, like an afro, moves slightly in the wind and I let myself fall back onto the roof.
Lying on my back now I gaze up at the moon, and sing a tune to myself.
“Fly me to the moon, let me sing amongst the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby kiss me. Fill my heart with song, let me sing forever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.”
